“I used to believe that an ideal life is all about having a risk-free financially secured life. However, after all these years what I have is a regretful life even after achieving a so-called ‘Risk-free, financially secured life.” He sounds distressed.
C4 54. I find my seat in the comfort seater coach. To be frank, I wasn’t so happy to book a seat in CC coach. obviously because of the extra fare it costs. However, a tiring 24 hours in Thiruvananthapuram convince me to choose a comfortable option.
15 minutes for the departure and no one is still in the compartment. You know that unique typical train AC smell blended with the odor of iron, It was getting too harsh on my nose probably because they just turned it on.
Time passed and passenger stated to hope in, Like any other guy, a pretty girl next to my seat is what all I wished for. That turned out some awkward looks at most of the girls passed my seat. Gosh, they must have thought that I am a pervert. Wait, am I?
Admit it. Having a beautiful girl next to your seat for the entire journey, have a friendly conversation with her, exchanging numbers, getting to know each other through chats and calls, propose her in the best romantic way and marry her in the unique way possible that no wedding videos ever tried and live a happily ever afterlife with her and kids is one of the common fantasy every bachelor have.
Not so long, I saw that chosen one coming right at my next seat. without any smile or any pleasant face that chosen one tore down my ultimate dream, sat on it like a cushion. Yeah, he looks 35+ and seems a lost interest in life kind of guy. No smile, no courtesy to even look at me as if I am invisible. I don’t know why I even care for his attention. Even if he has a sister, she should be ugly. What if he really has a sister and she is totally different from him? For what? to get hit by this 100KG fellow? go hell with him. Let’s look through the window and customize my dream.
Finally, it was 5:30 PM and the train started to move. While he was busy making his life sad, I knew that nothing can stop me from manipulating my dream the way I want. You know that time when you are half asleep yet have control over your imagination. I was cuddling my beautiful girl, kissing her, hugging her, enjoying the pre-wedding days, honeymoon, etc, etc and while I was screening my dream into the best ever married days. I heard this angry, rude voice.
“Are you born dump? can’t you even go to the nearby grocery store and buy some regular stuff? who are you, the most precious parrot who cannot go out from her cage? The jailed woman who is not allowed to step an inch out of that stupid flat? Who are you? are you really from this planet? Hello? Hello? Hello? I cannot hear you? is that the connection between my planet and your planet got broke? Hello? Hello? ” He was literally screaming.
“I think it is really a connection issue. we are on a train. So.” I really felt so insecure while spitting those words. he gave a ‘who are you’ look to me. Soon he looks away and let out a gasp. It was obvious that he was talking to his wife. However, never heard such an intense humiliation through the phone.
There was total silence for a few moments. I don’t do it normally, but, somehow I felt an urge to start a conversation with him. Maybe that’s what he needs. Somebody to listen.
“Umm, aah, is everything alright bro?” A gentle and general question, of course with a lot of hesitation.
He looked at me. With some irritation, surprise and anger. I doubted my decision-making ability and sense of talk for a moment. He again looked down and left out a sigh. I don’t know if this gasp is some kind of message. hence i decided to left him alone.
“What is your name Brother?” I heard his decent vice for the first time. He does have a polite vocal.
“Jithin” I replied, of course with some fear.
“You look young and bachelor. Am I right?
“Yeah, single like hell bro.” Don’t know how I get so emotional while answering it.
He smiled at me and continued. “You must be at least 10 years younger than me. probably looking for a girl to have an affair and get married after a few years and get settled with kids.”
“Totally nailed it bro.” and now I am excited.
“Don’t daydream brother.” Now I am confused. Why is he saying all these? and how does he know that I daydream about my life? He just didn’t stop there.
“I know what exactly you are thinking’ That felt a bit suspicious. Is he a mind reader?
“My name is Sharath and I am a General Manager at Assurance Technologies. Great salary package, Bonus, Own my own house, 1 Flat in Kochi and have some land for extra security.”
Nice to know all these, but come to the point. Why all these have to do with my dreams?
“You must be thinking why I am telling all these details to you and the relation with your dreams?”
“Hey, nothing like that” Oh My God, he did it again. How can he do it?
“haha, I know what exactly going on in your mind.” Oops, Not again. Better not do think or talk anything now.
“Jithin, I had a dream of playing cricket for India. However, my parents didnt allow it, eventhough my track record was impressive in the state level. Later I did Engineering. The most unique career option in India. After getting an impressive salaried job I forgot about cricket and concentrate my job and life. All just went perfect for me. I starteed dreaming about my future girl and our life together. Luckily, I find a girl from my own caste, religion and all and our families knew each other so Nothing went wrong there. We had a year of togetherness before marriage and finally we knotdown each other for life. I was so happy till then.”
“Then what happened?’ Somehow, I didn’t care about my dreams. His pause build the curiosity in me, How did that perfect life because so severely affected as he had to shout so mercilessly at his wife? I wanted to know.
“As I said, A normal teenager’s dream is to have a salaried job, a good wife and the happily ever afterlife with her and kids. I had it all. I have the best earning job, houses, Goodwife, cute kids.
But as time goes, I started to realize that I only worked in this industry for money. As time goes by, It took a toll on me. I really hate to do it as a machine and the pressure from this money eating giants are so out of the world that even after these years they don’t have any respect for me.
It’s not just about the company colleagues, my wife and mom are so dumb that they cannot even call an auto which parked a few meters away from the building. They will call me and I will call the auto guy and again I will call them back to confirm it to them. They cant even go to general stores for buying something as if some ghost is there to eat them. Why? Why are they so worried? I don’t know what the hell happened to my father. He just couldn’t move his ass off his chair. All he does is to go for a morning walk. That’s it. He is simply resting as if it’s my sole responsibility to run the home from A to Z. Oh God, Why I have such a horrible family.”
He just lost it again. I didn’t know what to say. All I understood that he did had a similar dream like me like 10 years ago and he ended up in a mess.
He took a gasp again as if it is mandatory to take after he loses his cool.
“Jithin, the most disturbing fact is that I did everything for my family. Build homes with all the amenities and whatever a house needed. Purchased lands and some other investments for the future. I don’t think that I left anything to do for my family. Even for relatives. However, even earning in lacks, its still not enough for a month. All my money are eaten up by many EMIs, loans, credit cards, etc. I am not sure what is exactly going knowingly or unknowingly, i and my family is in a race to show off the society that we are perfect. “
He stopped and yes again took a gasp.
“Jithin,” he paused for a moment.
“I used to believe that an ideal life is all about having a risk-free financially secured life. However, after all these years what I have is a regretful life even after achieving a so-called ‘Risk-free financially secured life.” He sounds distressed.
“You know, one day with all courage and planning, I informed my family that I am going to quit my job and I will do some local business for the living. I assured all the alternative for regular income and all they had to do to sacrifice some luxuries for a few months. They collectively opposed me and constantly reminded me about the importance of money and the importance of those luxuries before society.
“I wish my father is a little more supportive. I wish my wife and mother are more confident and mature. I wish my life was way more exciting, challenging and happening. I wish I tried well for my cricket dreams.”
He paused. Took another gasp. “I wish I could be happy”
That really hit my heart. Here is a man who lived the perfect life as per our social demands, yet became the most disappointed person I ever met. I just hugged him for a second as he started to cry a little.
“Jithin, I know you will have a nice dream about your future wife and the so called happily ever after life. But, this life cycle is a trap. Look at me. I am 37 now and cannot go back to play cricket to fulfill my real dream. This trap called risk-free financially secured life is nothing but a cycle of responsibilities. You born, study, get a job, marry, have kids and ask them to live the same life what you had. never fall in that trap.
Learn what you really want to learn
Do what you enjoy
Marry when you are ready
Find a girl who has a life goal and you both can support each other to achieve it.
have kids when you both are really ready for it.
Brought them up teaching how to be kind and true to themselves not according to society and not at all to be a money machine.
Ernakulam station has arrived and we quickly say goodbye to each other and step out of the train. However, he did smile at me before stepping down.
I looked through that window seat and as it is night, all I could see is my face. I stared at myself for a while. I am not sure what happened now. I don’t know much about him. but, what I really felt that he could be me within the next 10 years. A frustrated man with a life full of regrets.
Whom to blame for it?
A society that seeks that all have a money mind and risk-free, financially secured life?
Parents that do not want their child to do something unique?
Parents and society that differentiate between girls and boys?
Government for no vision on their people’s life?
I don’t know whom to blame, but what I know is, he really ruined my dream. Well probably for a better one.